After living on the Rohi campus and interacting closely with the staff and students, we have quickly formed deep and trusting relationships. This was our purpose in coming, “to live with the Kenyans, to listen and learn from them, and in doing so they would be encouraged and empowered to see their God given talents.”
In learning from our friends here, we have realized that although it is common for us in the States to have many friends and family that we trust and share openly with about our life and struggles, it is uncommon here in Kenya. The Kenyan culture is often admired for its strong sense of community and hospitality. We have found this to be true. But what is interesting is that despite the lack of boundaries between friends, family and neighbors and the welcome and warmth that visitors feel when coming to Kenya, there is a general lack of communication and trust for each other.
Whatever the cause, many Kenyans we know do not have many deep and trusting relationships. The communication is usually surface level. Intimate and personal information is rarely shared. We have found this to be difficult, because we come from a culture and a family background that is open with communication and keeps few secrets. Most of the students don’t trust each other and the teachers do not share openly or have personal relationship with the students.
Forming deep and trusting relationships with staff and students is different then how things are typically done here in Kenya. This type of interaction is new and uncommon, therefore it is difficult for some Kenyans to support it. These differences have created contentions that we have had to work through. It has been challenging but rewarding; it has helped us to develop deeper relationships with the people.
Through this process, I have come to realize that although many of our differences are cultural, our family background has a more profound influence on us. The way I was raised and the wounds caused (unintentionally) by my parents have a profound effect on how I relate with others. In college I came to realize that I was a person who likes to avoid or run away from conflict. I would rather avoid difficult conversations and avoid talking about what is bothering me. This is not a healthy way to deal with anger or frustration. It is best to talk it out openly. Although I am aware of this I still struggle with it today, it still emerges in my marriage and now I have seen it come out in dealing with cross-cultural differences. Instead of directly addressing issues and differences, I try to keep things as peaceful and minor as possible even though inside I am upset. I have had to apologize and admit my mistakes so we can move forward together.
