Who is a Father?

Friday night was the best night I have had with the students. We talked all night, told stories and asked each other questions. We talked about girls, school, futures, family, marriage, life and careers. I encouraged them to begin to see themselves as husbands, leaders, and as the fathers they have never had.

They asked me to tell them honestly all the things that were different and funny about Africa or Africans. I broke every cultural sensitivity rule that you learn when training to do mission work… and it was amazing!! I was very hesitant at first, but just like with my friends in the states, when you love and trust each other there is a freedom to joke and laugh about your differences. These differences were not offensive but hilarious. The more details and examples I gave, then the harder we laughed.

This was the first time that I had truly and deeply laughed here in Kenya. Humor is one of the last things that translates cross-culturally. Humor is always different depending on where you are. So to find the same things funny and to laugh together was a bonding moment. We were together.

By the end of the night there were about 5-6 boys remaining with me. I noted that these 5-6 students who remained are the same boys who are here over the holiday break. These are the boys that have little or no family to go home to on the holidays; no fathers, mother, or relatives to care from them. When asked who their role models are they often say a close friend that is their same age. They don’t have deep or intimate relationships with adults; no teachers, parents, grandparents or church leaders. Because of the time we spent together and the closeness we felt, they told me that I was like a father to them that night. I was taken-a-back by this statement because I felt more like a peer or a friend, but not a father.

For them a father is someone who listens, encourages, and cares for them. A father is someone who can offer some kind of guidance and wants to know what is going on inside their minds. This is how they feel loved and I think this is true for most people. They have never had an older male figure who has sat with them at night and shared openly with one another. In fact, even some people who have dads don’t have these special times of deep, intimate conversation. It was so sad for me to learn that they have never had a father figure in their life, but I was encouraged that I could be with them for that night and hopefully there will be more moments like this in the future.